It's Monday after the tragic events of Sept. 11, and I find that my protective shield of numbness is wearing off. But I'm having a hard time sorting out my feelings.
There are the primal elements of fear for the safety of myself and my loved ones, and anger at those who so blatantly violated our country. There is a sense of uneasiness about what may happen next and annoyance about how much more complicated our lives are about to become.
There are other feelings I can't name and certainly don't understand. But for me mostly, there is a heavy sadness which pervades my being. Sadness, certainly for those who were killed or injured; for their families and friends; for all of us whose lives are changed forever by these events; and for this tragic world which allows and even encourages people to settle differences in violent ways.
I wonder what will be the implications of this experience in terms of how we deal with one another as human beings, both here at home and around the globe. While we build our defenses to protect ourselves and our possessions from future madmen, will we also be creative in finding new ways to share some of the bounty of our society with those whose lives of desperation make them easy converts to others who promise solutions through hate and violence?
Will we even continue to demonstrate the care for one another which has been evident everywhere since the tragedy struck?
I think the long-term answers to those questions and many like them will determine whether we become a better people for having shared this terrible week.
(John Robinson is managing director government banking of FleetBoston Financial Corp. and a member of The Evangelist's board of directors. He lives in Loudonville. This column first appeared in The Buzz, the government banking employees' newsletter.)