Expectant moms and dads who give permission for a pregnancy to be terminated for medical or genetic reasons do not have an easy time living with their decision, says Maureen Cavanaugh of St. Peter's Hospital in Albany.
Since starting a post-abortion bereavement group for such men and women five years ago, Ms. Cavanaugh has witnessed expressions of grief, guilt, remorse -- and anger.
Anger
"I've learned to expect to hear a lot of anger, especially on the first night a group meets," said Ms. Cavanaugh, a registered nurse with a Masters of Science degree. "There is anger over how they were told of their unborn baby's `abnormality;' anger that they felt pressured into making a life and death decision too quickly and with too little information; anger over why this had to happen to the baby who, in the vast majority of cases, they had wanted so much."
It's important to understand, she said, that those attending her post-abortion bereavement sessions are not women and men who terminated so-called "unwanted" or "unplanned" pregnancies.
"Most of the women and men I counsel were elated upon hearing the news that a child had been conceived. It was only after receiving negative results from medical or genetic testing that they felt conflicted about continuing their pregnancies," she explained. Some, she added, may initially have felt they were doing a compassionate thing by sparing a deformed or disabled child a life of pain and suffering. In many cases, the child would have faced a number of surgeries or other medical procedures.
Hindsight
On the other hand, Ms. Cavanaugh noted, a number of women and men have told her that, in hindsight, they would have found a way to cope with their child's physical and/or mental deficiencies if
they'd had more time to contemplate alternatives to abortion.
Typically, she explained, genetic testing, such as amniocentesis, is done between the 14th and 16th weeks of gestation. A period of about two more weeks commonly passes before the results come in.
That means by the time the parents get the news that something is not quite right, they are also told they must hurry up and decide whether to terminate the pregnancy, because abortions cannot legally be acquired in this area after 20th week. (Abortions are not performed at St. Peter's Hospital.)
"What I hear over and over and over from these parents is that they felt powerless and out of control at the time they gave consent for the pregnancies to be terminated. Most wished they had put the time prior to the arrival of the test results to better use," said Ms. Cavanaugh.
Many couples have told her that they would have gone ahead and had a baby with Down's syndrome or spina bifida if only they'd had more detailed information about the disorders prior to the pre-natal testing.
Grieving parents
In addition to expressing anger and regret over their consent to terminate their unborn baby's life, many participants of past groups have articulated feelings of both grief and guilt: "One woman said, `I hate myself.' Others believe that they will never be able to forgive themselves for what they did. They are so burdened by the decision they made."
Helping them readjust by coming to terms with their mixed emotions is just part of what Ms. Cavanaugh strives to accomplish during each six-week session. "We also explore the impact of the
decision to terminate the pregancy on significant relationships with family, friends and God," she stated.
"Some people are so guilt-ridden and conflicted that they haven't told [any]one what they've done. Such isolation can be devastating. One thing we in the Catholic community
can do is to reach out to such individuals -- not to condone what they've done, but to assist them in their legitimate need to heal."
As part of the healing process, the final evening of the six-week group session usually consists of a memorial service honoring the child's brief existence.
(The next post-abortion bereavement series starts at St. Peter's Hospital from 7-8:30 p.m., February 11. Sessions will run for six consecutive Tuesdays. For more information or to pre-register, call 525-1388 or 525-1872.)